I wish my penis had an off switch
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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