I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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