This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
