So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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