He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
