you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
