he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I deserve this hangover.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
