she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
