i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
