i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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