Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
