did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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