I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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