i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My pussy is not your playground.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
