my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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