I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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