Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.

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(514): View more from Quebec

please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...

(1-514): View more from Quebec

Does an alley count?

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(347): View more from New York

These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.

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(512): View more from Texas

I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.

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(516): View more from New York

Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out

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(516): View more from New York

I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.

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