I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.