you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes