I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"