Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
