I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"