Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
