Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
