Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
