There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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