I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
