A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
