Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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