he laminated a picture of his dick.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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