He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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