He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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