How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she pinky promised me she was 18
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
