Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
