Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
