yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
