And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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