Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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