how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
