quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
two words: eviction party
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
