he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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