You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
