Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
