just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
