I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
