I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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