You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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