Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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