you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
