The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
