just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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