believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
