she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
