i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
