also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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