I'm gonna have a badass scar
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
