Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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