k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
