maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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