I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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