i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick