she was so not down for the gang bang
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!