i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who died my cat blue again?