Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
