he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
