You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.