so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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