So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
