I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
