There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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