I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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