There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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