well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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