I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
