My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
