bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
